Declaration of the Rights of Women by Heidi Rodenhizer

When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary to briefly inhabit the washrooms, as God intended, we are faced with an insufferable inequality: the resources found in the ladies washrooms are lacking greatly.
The inalienable rights of men (and women) proclaim that we all have a right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of comfort. It is the right of those of us who have long been held in the sway of men to secure these rights, as has not been custom. Our inalienable rights are not recognized. The long train of abuses and usurpations of architects have long held the patient sufferers hostage.
When waiting with far more patience than the situation deserves, for an opening in the washroom, our inalienable rights are neglected. How terrible is our plight, that the gentle citizens of the world cannot exercise their inherent rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of comfort while patiently waiting for the end of these most terrible violations of her inalienable rights!
The atrocities revealed here, which were brought about by merciless architects and plumbers, is the destruction of all sexes. The horrors that await women in the washroom may seem unfit for your most esteemed attention, good Sir, but while your lady is taken captive by the cruelty of architects and plumbers you, who has never offended the aforementioned torturers, will be left robbed of your own time and rights, as you wait for intolerable hours for the return of your sweet lady.
An architect, whose character is thus marked by a lack of compassion for the world’s dearest ladies, is unfit for the halls of men. Join in, and lay bare the assemblage of horrors carrying us into slavery to the washrooms, which has so devastated a people fostered and fixed in the principles of freedom.

Declaration of Independance in All Matters Related to Kayaking

When, in the course of outdoor events, it becomes necessary for a staff to disobey the wishes of the kayak coordinator and assume that the powers of the earth and sea are far greater than their own powers, to which God has entitled them, a decent respect to the angry wrath of Poseidon requires that they should summarize the water conditions which impel them to disobedience.
We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all staff are created equal, that they are endowed by Post with certain inalienable rights; that among these are outdoor trips, warmth and large tubs of Jelly Beans™; that to secure these rights, Executive Committee positions are instituted among staff, deriving their power based on seniority and savagery; that whenever any EC member becomes destructive to these ends, it us the right of the staff to refuse to obey their wishes and act in a manner to secure their own warmth. Prudence will dictate that such rebellions mush not be for causes trivial in nature, but the history of the present kayak coordinator is one of unremitting acts of tyranny, oppression and behavior showing open callousness towards hypothermia. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world:

He has required us to perform impossible acts of physical strength and dexterity while suspended upside down underwater.
He has forced us into watery bodies as unseasonable times of the year without the least concern for our well-being.
He has opposed with manly firmness the use of wetsuits and other devices essential to preventing hypothermia.
He has erected a multitude of new requirements to staff kayak and has harassed us continually regarding this matter.
He has refused to take action necessary to ensure the rights of the staff to have hot cocoa after being in cold water, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
He has called together kayak trainings at places unusual, uncomfortable and distant from the homes of staff for the sole purpose of denying them hot showers.
For canceling night kayaks, for taking out provisions, for making us sleep outside, for taking away our dry clothes and altering fundamentally the forms of our trips.
In every stage of these oppressions we have whined, objected, protested, picketed and appealed, in the most humble terms; our repeated whining has been answered only by incoherent mumblings.
An EC member whose character is thus marker by every act which may define someone who does not believe in the 3rd stage of hypothermia is unfit to lead kayak trips for a staff who mean to survive the weekend.
We therefore, the staff of Garfield High School Outdoor Education Post on Lopez Island assembled do, in the name of all Post members, declare that we shall no longer obey the wishes of Ben Miller and that we will no longer recognize him as kayak coordinator. We declare ourselves free and independent kayakers, and, as such, we have the power to put on our own spray skirts, set courses, go for night kayaks and do all other acts which free and independent kayakers may, of right, do.
And for the support of this declaration, we mutually pledge to each other our positions of staff, our lives, and our rights to change the music on the kitchen speakers.

The Need of a Film Program at Stagedoor Manor

Pastiche of Jefferson’s The Declaration of Independence
When attending the prestigious program of Stagedoor Manor located in the state of New York, the commonality between all the students is an irrevocable passion for the performing arts, but the three to nine week intensive fails to offer a completely separate film program in addition to the outstanding theatre program, which by nature is unjust in reference to those in pursuit of following a true passion of acting on film and or a career in the film industry.
This argument is self- evident in the sense that many young adults who have an extraordinary drive for the performing arts have a greater passion for film in contrast to theatre. All students of Stagedoor Manor have a right to audition for a solely film intensive, and have a right of a choice between film or theatre during their time at this highly reputable establishment. It is the students who hold the power of the future of Stagedoor Manor, and they who also hold the right to participate in all film opportunities.
Stagedoor Manor attracts an exceptionally wide variety of diversity throughout the world, but will dominate in further justice if another solid branch of performing arts is offered. It is unjust to not offer such a program to the further echelon of young performers, for all deserve the right to liberty of choice and career. This program is solely for the further educational process of a film intensive, and will offer as much time and effort to create such a successful program as the theatre program does currently. The justification of the arguments for a film program at Stagedoor Manor should be known to all students, faculty, and aspiring participants.
Many aspiring young adults who love the performing arts have a passion for film work, in contrast to theatre, and Stagedoor Manor is losing its revenue in failing to offer more than a few classes that focus on film.
A film program will feature those with major talent in the industry, while a solely theatre program generally cannot showcase these students’ talent with lack of camera work.
To try something new is a major goal of Stagedoor Manor, and it therefore contradicts itself with a lack of a film program. This is ultimately unjust to not offer the opportunity of improvement for the students who have a right to access all aspects of the performing arts.
Stagedoor Manor is a well known program that has flourished with a variety of talented adolescences, but also should have more press and attraction level in order to obtain a greater diversity of faculty and students.
We therefore, as returning students of Stagedoor Manor, appealing to future program film plans, and the name and authority of its faculty and recipients, solemnly publish and declare that it is the right of the students for a strong solely film program in Stagedoor Manor to be established. This is a mission of pleasing all audiences present, increasing revenue for Stagedoor Manor, and insuring peace and liberty of those repeatedly requesting for this transaction to occur. For the support of this Declaration with a firm reliance on the success of the future of this performing arts program and future students, we mutually pledge a film program to be established.

Jefferson is turning over in his grave right now (by Matt B)

When, in the course of writing events, it becomes necessary for one people to stave off their homework until the morning of, and to assume that God has entitled them that they can achieve its completion before it is due, a decent respect to the opinions of sleep requires that they should declare the causes which compel them to delay.
We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all pens are created equal; that they are equally endowed with the inherent ability to write; that they can in due time create an essay, a letter, and a whole lot of doodles; that to compete with the pen, computers are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the wall sockets; that whenever any form of computer becomes distracting from these ends
….
He [writer’s block] has refused to assent to the schedule most wholesome and necessary for the GPA’s good.
He has dragged the writer off to Facebook, and repeatedly forced upon him the need to reply to every post, poke, and otherwise, unless one party in question has attacked his Slayer or has brought upon his honesty box a series of anonymous messages.
He has most unceremoniously refused to allow words to be put on paper.
He has both on and staved off sleep at moments when it is unfortunate for the writer’s well-being.

Cry to the Aristocrat by Amy Deng

My brother: No one thinks more highly than we do of the freedom, as well as the companionship that we wish to share with you. But you, my brother, have changed so much from what you used to be; I am not sure of whether you can accept the words that I will present you. You probably do not have any memory of the fact that you were once the same as I, and the same as my pack, my family, the wolves. You probably do not recall the days you were once running along side with me, hunting freely, devouring the juicy flesh of a freshly killed rabbit, howling along side with me, searching for the place of our dreams; roaming the lands openly, destined with ambition to find the entrance to paradise.

But you, my brother, did not want to pursue this dream with us any longer; you did not want to run with us, hunt with us, eat with us, nor did you want to search for paradise with us. Instead, you abandoned us; you left us behind and walked off into a road of your own. As the years passed, your luscious fur has began to fall out little by little, your teeth have began to dull; even your keen eyesight has worsened and your ears shrunk and started to grow to the side of your head; without noticing you lost your tail and began to walk on two legs; you have produced more of your kind, so much more that it has overpopulated us. It is by this time, that we were certain that you have forgotten your past; you have forgotten about us, our bond, and our fate.

How do we know? We know by experience, the ways that you have deceived us, betrayed us, and slain us. What you are talking about, you ask. Remember that day, it snowed. It was cold and we were hungry; our noses frostbitten, our paws on the verge of being completely numb. We saw you out in the snow, crouching behind a rock, with a strange instrument in your hands; you were completely still. We watched you from the tree and moments later, there was a loud blast and the deer in front of our eyes fell to the ground. My dear son asked me if he may approach you and ask for a tender slab of deer meat. I answered no because I was not sure that you remember us, but my son ran ahead, out of our hiding place behind the tree, and toward you, my brother. Now is it wrong for my young son to approach you; out of hunger, and out of need, for a slab of meat for us all to feast on? According to you, brother, we were mistaken; for you glared at my dear son and with a shocked look on your face you lifted that strange instrument of yours and killed my son in an instant. You then carried his helpless body and threw him behind your back; his mouth dripping with blood, his eyes distressed and filled with grief. My brother, we watched you unfalteringly skinning my son, ripping his flesh apart; pieces by pieces, his blood pouring all over the white snow. My brother, it was the most repulsive and horrifying sight I had ever laid my eyes on; because it was done by you, my dear brother, it made this sight an infinite times more atrocious than it was. You then wore my son’s skin over your body; you lacked the fur you once had to keep yourself warm; thus you slay us to recuperate this loss.

Today, we are imprisoned in our small forest; scared to leave; unable to pursue our dreams of paradise and eternal bliss. We wish everyday, as the moon reveals herself in the pitch, black sky, for the harmony we once shared, the pleasure we once exhibited, with our cries to you; but you only glare at us fiercely with your defiant stare; you strike at us with your instruments and blades of aggression. We do not want your hatred, my brother, we just want your understanding; give us paradise, or give us your extinction.

speech to the furniture convention by laura baron

Mr. House: no inanimate object thinks more highly than I do of the quality, as well as the comfort, of the very finely crafted pieces which have been arranged in the house. But different objects often create the same effect in different lights; and, therefore, I hope that it will not be thought disrespectful to those pieces, if, entertaining as I do, opinions of an arrangement very opposite to theirs, I shall order my furniture aesthetically and with feng shui. This is no time for clutter. The question before the house is one of paramount importance to the spatial configuration. For my own part I consider it as nothing less than a question of chairs or tables; and in proportion to the magnitude of the room ought to be the freedom of arrangement. It is only in this way that we can hope to arrive at feng shui, and create the best configuration which we can achieve in our room. Should I keep back my color samples at such a time, through fear of bad taste, I should consider myself as incapable of color choice towards my walls, and of an act of indecision toward the outcome of the design, to which I strive through individual objects.
Mr. House, it is natural to a sofa to indulge in the aspiration of comfort. We are apt to shut our eyes while lying on one, and to drift into sleep upon those cushions, till morning light awakens us from dreams. Is this the duty of soft sofas, destined for a sedentary and servile life of luxury? Are we disposed to be of the number of those who, having coaches, lie not, and having chairs, sit not, the things which so nearly concern their temporal comfort? For my part, whatever relaxation of spirit it may reward, I am inclined to enjoy the comfortable cushions; to pick the coziest and to lie upon it.
I have but one lamp by which my room is lit; and that lamp is of brightness. I see of no way of seeing the room but by a light. And viewing from the doorway, I am able to see what there is in the corners of the room, to decide those things which visitors have been pleased to enjoy in the house. Is it that particular coffee table upon which our feet have been lately rested? Criticize it not, sir; it will provide a comfort for your leg muscles. Suffer not yourselves to be reclined on uncomfortable things. Ask yourselves how these luxuries of our furniture compares with the rock-like objects which provide discomfort and cause us pain. Are stiff cushions and hard chairs compatible to a room of comfort and simplicity? Have we shown ourselves ready to be comfortable, so that unpleasant objects may be removed to ensure happiness? Let us not pain ourselves, sir. These are the pieces of comfort; the necessary addition to the arrangement of the furniture.

Red Flag by Ian Collicott

We hold these jock straps to be self-evident: that all face-masks are created equal; that they are crafted by their creator with football prestige and knowledgeable rights; that among these are first downs, false starts, and the pursuit of Super bowl; that to secure these rights, referees are instituted among athletes, deriving their black and white stripes from the consent of the National Football League; that whenever any referee becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the fans to protest and abolish it, and to elect a new official, laying its foundation on astro-turf, and organizing its penalties in such form, as to the players shall most likely effect their game day and eventual postseason.
He has refused fourth down after such dissolutions whereby linesmen, incapable of blocking have returned to the fans with consistent dispraise, the state remaining third quarter, exposed to all the hazards of blitz, rush, and headstrong defense.
He has combined with his fellow officials to subject us with a challenge, a red flag has been tossed giving pretended legislation of passenger interference unacknowledged by the receivers hands the referee reviews the play, the proceeding call explodes into abundance of roar from the people.
We therefore the representatives of the National Football League in General Congress assembled do in the name, and by the authority of every good fan of Seattle reject the verdict of Super bowl XL’s conclusion, we utterly dissolve all connection which may have subsequently resulted in anger after the prior match, and finally we do assert and declare that thirty percent of our workforce is indeed blind.

Speech to the Nation: Concerning Racism by Eric Syrjala

Mr. President: There are many problematic issues that must be addressed, in the near future, America needs to learn how to deal with, terrorism, global warming, national security, health care, distribution of wealth, and most of all, racism. I do not mean to be disrespectful, but, the question of equality must be taken into reason. Me must abolish racism, and, if not for ourselves, for our respect of God. This nation, was supposed to have been finished with racism, because of Martin Luther King Jr, but, everyday, new acts of racism occur. For example, racism, is still alive and well in Jena, Louisiana. These, ungodly actions, greatly anger me, and I say it is time that we, as a nation, do something about it.
Six, black students, in Jena, are victims of this terrible disease, known as racism. A black kid, took a seat, underneath, the “white” tree. In retaliation, some white kids, hung three nooses, on the tree. This escalated, and a white man, threatened three black kids, with a shotgun. The three black kids, defended themselves, by disarming the man, but, then they kids, were then charged of, stealing a fire arm. This angers me, but what happened next, makes me furious! A black student, was beaten up at a party, by a gang of whites. Then a white man, verbally assaulted the black student, the next day. He was then beaten up, and had cuts and bruises on his face, but, he suffered only minor injuries. These six black kids, were sent to prison, for attempted second degree murder. One of the students, Mychal Bell, waited for months in prison, until his trial, at which he was sentenced, to up to 22 years in prison. The jury, and the judge, were all white. The outcome of the trial, has angered many people, and, has risen, to be a heated debate throughout the states. Segregation, has been over for 53 years, yet, racism, is still witnessed daily.
Our Nation, the great, United States of America, needs to act now, and put an end, to this madness. Everyone, no matter of one’s skin color, should be able to live in harmony; we need to act now. I have witnessed, many brutal acts of violence, throughout my life, and, I say, we need to put an end to this. Racism, turns us, into, a wild pack of wolves, with hatred foaming from the mouth. We must rise up, and, defeat the devil’s creation, of racism! If, you have any belief in God, you will support me, and, together we can halt, this tyranny of racism!
I ask, what has happened to our country? Why must we bring shame to God? Why must people be judged be the color of their skin? What costs, must this nation endure, to cease tensions between blacks and whites? When, shall all of us, work together, and, rise up to defeat racism? Why must we live in a world of hatred? Why, I ask you, why? The people of the United States of America, are the strongest people in the world, and, we have the potential to over come this problem, and, it is time, that all of us realize this! We are trapped in something that we have created, but, together, we can, break free, from this jail of racism. We must, stand strong, unite, and make this world a better place!
People say, that they are not racist, but, everyday, they encounter an uncomfortable situation, which gives them mild, racist thoughts. Although, these thoughts are innocent, and are often sparked by nervousness, they still occur. My aim, is to create a world, in which these thoughts, will never have the ability, to occur!

The Declaration to Athletes by Allie Steinberg

In the course of a human life, it is important for one to take control of one’s life, and live it to the fullest through athletic ability and performance, while the laws and whistle blows of sports may maintain your games, the voices of joints and muscles shall not hold you back, so it must be declared that there be a separation between the strains of the game and our enjoyment of the game.

The expeditious movement of this fine tuned game has no room for the awkward pusillanimous; it only has room for the unbelievable audaciously strong. But every person has an unalienable right to pursue their happiness, and to play the sports they want to play by not being oppressed by the absolute despotic rulers who are the sprained ankles, the strained muscles, the concussions, and the stress fractures. They rule your level of play, limiting you to never reach the best of your abilities. These injuries have no right to bring you down, but you and everyone else has the right to fight back through a well planned pre-game warm-up and an extreme session of deep stretching. When the right such as the ones to sweat your heart out, run until you collapse, and slide tackle until your knees go bloody are deprived of you by the others, your right to feeling freedom in your own life is abolished and you have a right to proclaim your liberty, defining the separating between you and the painful feeling in your ankles.

We cannot be deprived of that feeling of a perfect swish, or when a ball hits the sweet spot on your foot; this in turn would be a cruel violation of our rights done by our own bodies, who although were and still are our associates, can be seen as tyrannical inner forces, trying to crush our individual independence by blocking that last shot of hope at the buzzer, that last pass that surely would have assisted independence, and that last throw that would have given a touchdown to attain happiness.

Speech to the Meter-Maid by Sophie Scofield-Selby

Meter-maid, no one thinks more highly than I do of parking laws, as well as the areas they affect. But different situations will often cause one to look at such laws in a different light. The question before you is of awful moment to the ease of transportation in the downtown area. For my own part I consider it as nothing less than a question of wealth or of brokenness. Should I keep back my opinions at such a time, through fear of giving offense, I should consider myself as guilty of wastefulness and dishonesty towards all less affluent drivers.
Meter-maid, it is natural for a man to take the bus. It is an inexpensive and environmentally sound way of transporting oneself to and from our desired destinations. Are we inclined, therefore, to always take the bus, even when it means certain tardiness to already conceived plans? For my part, whatever anguish of gasoline it may cost, I am willing to occasionally drive to events that occur downtown.
I have but two headlights by which my tires are guided and those are the headlights of experience. I know of no way of judging the future but by the past. And judging the past I wish to know what there has been in the conduct of the city planners for the last ten years, to justify those hopes with which drivers have been pleased to solace themselves? Is is that privately owned, terrifyingly expensive collection of parking lots that our complaints have been received? Ask yourselves how this gracious reception of our petitions comports with the no parking sign, and two-hour limit parking meters. Are theses restrictions necessary to a work of convenience and invitation? Let us not not deceive ourselves. These are the implements of inconvenience and general hostility.
I ask , what means these annoying rules, if it's purpose be not to force us to avoid downtown? Can drivers assign any other possible motives for it? They are meant to rid downtown of all cars, leaving only the poorly conceived metro system for movement. Shall we try compliance? We have been trying that for many a year, and the situation has only worsened. Let us not, I beseech you, deceive ourselves longer. We have grumbled and complained. Our grumbles have been ignored and our complaints slighted, and we have been shunned as environmentally unaware, and a hindrance to traffic. In vain, after these, we may indulge in the fond hope and more, cheaper parking. There is no longer any room for hope. If we wish to attain these privileges for which we have been so long refused, we must demand more, less expensive parking! I know not what course others may take: but as for me, give me reasonable parking or give me death!

A Declaration to Form Functioning Ice Cream Shops By Erin Gurley

Business Owners: We the people need to band together to cause a revolution to create higher functioning ice cream businesses. At this point, the creator needs to make all ice cream shops equal; since hazards, conduct, and quality have yet to be defined to the peoples liking, in order to produce the all around perfect ice cream business.

Opportunities to reform such businesses have been passed by as free ice cream is dished out daily, leading to employees losing profit for the owner, even though some see it as friendly gestures towards the customers. We therefore need to speak to employees to set clear and concise standards preventing such corruption of thy ice cream shops.

We have but one request that the build up food from lousy closing clean up jobs be addressed. Heath inspections do come along, yet these standards themselves may overlook dust piles, and clumps adhered to most surfaces, grimy build up from spill after spill along the shelves, and numerous mediocre dish washing procedures, as only a sanitizer is provided. We proclaim that these standards may and shall be raised for our humane wants, and needs.

Selection of the employees is in many cases anything but desirable. Some have been suspected, and found guilty of illegal conduct along the lines of embezzling money,and consuming too many spirits while working or directly before. We need to strive for a customer friendly environment, since this is what many shops may thrive from. We need to enforce how blaring music, slow service and and demanding tones do not convey well as a friendly environment to the customers.

We pledge along with this declaration to therefore improve the rightful standards of all food-handling companies.

The Declaration of Superiority

When, in the course of discerning which flavor may rule over the others, it becomes necessary for humans to discard those preliminary ideas and prejudices such that a person may hold no bias when it comes time to taste. We hold these truths to be self evident: that all flavors, regardless of color or taste are created equal; they are endowed by the great manufacturer Gatorade with certain absolute rights and properties such that their unique and delicious flavor may never be taken away. Whenever a company such as Kirkland signature stands in the way of such a great creation, it is the consumers’ God-given right to boycott such a product, and bring misery to all those responsible for such a travesty. Although such inferior brands have existed for prolonged stretches of time, when they begin to offer competition just for competition’s sake, with no hope of winning against such a mighty and powerful entity, it becomes time to take action and forever free the Brand from such oppression.

He has made copies of Gatorade flavors in the hope that they may sell more bottles in bulk quantities
He has made a scar upon the face of sports energy drinks by introducing evil unto the market in the form of “competitive brands”
He has designed the shape of the bottles, in all cases, after that shape which distinguishes Gatorade
He has created sports drink powder, only after seeing Gatorade create this product first, which has no comparison to the original in taste or quality
He has distributed liquids labeled sports drink which have neither inherent electrolytes nor adequate sodium levels
He has unsuccessfully attempted to create mutant brands which strive to satisfy the requirements of carbonation, energy, flavor, and caffeine, and thus planted an evil seed in the minds of humanity

Throughout the development of their insignificant brands, Gatorade has not only warned those manufacturers of trying to compete on an international level but has staked their claim numerous times to the sport-drink brand.
We therefore the representatives of the Consumers of the World assembled, do in the name, and by the authority of the good people of this great world, present our intention to tear down the industry of all those attempting to compete with Gatorade; namely Kirkland Sport drink whose continuous attempts at success have made it difficult for Gatorade to develop any new flavors: and we declare the Gatorade brand to be free without restraint from any lesser sports drink companies from this day forth.
And for the support of this declaration, we mutually pledge to each other our commitment to true taste and our lifelong love of Gatorade.

S.D. 2nd period

Dirgis Naillil's Pastiche

The Injustices of Us on the Earth
As a people we have done wrong by this earth. We have taken the laws of nature into our own hands believing that we can control them when we can’t even fathom them. As one we are equal allowing all in there own the same rights as another. But we as humans have taken away those rights, by our own hand, making us the selfish, “supposed” controllers of the world because we are “supposedly” smarter.
All things endowed by the creator are allowed the inherent and inalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Therefore, not enabling us as humans, to not be able to take life away from the animals and plants around us, that we constantly destroy and ruin their habitats, without even thinking about them.
We have refused to listen to reason.
We have done hardly anything to reverse the effects of our devastating destruction.
We have ignored studies and people that were calling for a change in our actions and attitudes.
Therefore as people we must make a stand, for fellow living things, and for the entire well being of our earth. This must and shall be done or else we will be thrown into a world of destruction and torment for what we have caused.

Speech regarding Students Right by AMY TRAN

Student: No person thinks more highly than I do of the caring, as well as the devotion, of our faculty members, who have been guiding and watching us over our high school careers. But everyone have their own opinion, and I can’t help it if mine is different from their; I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but sometimes I must question the ways our school is run. Is high school not a road that will slowly prepare us for the world, a place equal freedom and rights, if so, why do our staff members insisted that some of our right is taken away?
Before I entered Garfield High School, I had heard many tales regarding how wonderful it is, and how it allow it students freedom that was not seen in other schools. Yet for the past two years, all I have seen is how we are revoked of our rights as students, one by one. Now as I'm entering my junior year and being bury underneath a pile of schoolwork, instead of feeling as if I'm prepare for the world, I feel worn out and like a sheep about to be slaughter by the upcoming exams and tested.
While I agreed that we need to be devout students, committing ourselves to our schoolwork, school and community, it is just as important to have fun. It is quite
important to have those two balance each other out, if not the staff members might have a lot of cases of students being burn out even before their senior year on their hand. We should be allowed to have fun and enjoyed our high school. If my fear of offending someone stop me from voicing out my opinion, I might as well be the one killing my fellow students and classmates with the the pain of betraying them.
My fellow students, it is quite natural for us to blind ourselves with ignorance. But one cannot be blind forever, we cannot close our eyes and hope that our situation will get better. Hope alone cannot accomplish anything. If we have any hope to make our high school life a enjoyable one, then my fellow students, I urged you to speak up. People cannot hear your thought if you do not voice them out loud.

What happened to common sense? by Donna Seo

In the following sentences, I offer outright facts, justified arguments and common sense: I have no other hopes for the reader other than that she will determine for herself what constitutes as good magazineship.
Numerous issues of women’s magazines are circulating today, all addressing the same mundane categories of fashion, make up, and men. They parade underneath the false disguise of preppy-chic glasses, stiletto pumps and capes, claiming to be “smart and sexy” or “the modern woman”, when all they do is proliferate more trash and generate more cash revenue from their selling their pages to numerous advertisers. Their names are Glamour and Allure, and they are not to be trusted again because they have sold you out.
However one magazine, Jane, was loyal to its demographic of women ages 19-34 and that is why she is dead. When other magazines told women to hate their supposed flaws and how to mask them with layers of product, Jane ran an issue telling women that they can take control of every situation, such as changing a tire of their car. Like Athena, the goddess of war, Jane was fearless in delivering the most interesting current events and people to be acquainted with, directly to your doorstep. Jane was never obsessed with celebrities and false idolization, but more concerned with bringing celebrities down to earth by asking them tough questions. She was still never in any sense of the expression a “plain Jane”; her intensity in her journalism could only match her sense of style and fashion. And there lies the reason why she is dead: her sister magazines have killed her because she was too high of caliber for their brainless comprehension of what urban women today want.
And that is why the subscribers of Jane should cancel their subscriptions rather than get issues of Glamour and Allure instead. There can be no reconciliation against Glamour and Allure. The sun never shined on a cause of greater value. If we all boycott Glamour and Allure, rather than lie fallow on our couches, we can breathe new life into the now comatose Jane.

Grievences against the Definistration and Revival of the Alarm Clock by Lizzie Boardman

When, in the course of one’s daily events, it becomes necessary for one to arise from their sleep and assume the responsibilities of the daytime, one is usually awoken by means of the sun or, less fortunately, by means of an alarm clock. Among my many possessions, I am unfortunate enough to stow an alarm clock.
Thus, we can hold these truths to be self-evident: that all alarm clocks fulfill their purposes with sounds of utmost vexation; that by doing so, they have detrimental affects on all of mankind, leaving us with less hearing ability than we had before we laid our heads to rest the night prior; that all men, in their right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, have right to alter or abolish their alarm clocks, as the alarm clock may only derive power from the consent of their masters in slumber.
It was I, on that fateful morning, who was at fault of the defenestration of the alarm clock, when its dreadful sound could be heard from afar, and the slight of my hand quickly disposed of it, out the window. When its landing was heard, and its death assumed, I thought my torment from that dreadful object had finally come to an end. However my ignorance was proven the following morning, when my alarm clock, which I had fetched, was not in fact destroyed from the fall, but was in quite good condition, if not louder than before.
It has endeavored to prevent the majority of the people to reach their needs in sleep during the night, shortening their rightful hours of peace.
It has refused to turn off when turned off by its master, leading to temperamental discomfort, felt by the master and those around him
It has been unreliable as far as promptness and led its master to grave consequences, not of his own fault.
How is it that God, he who had created this good and equal earth, and taken all good men under his charitable wing, hath laideth unto us, this object of pure evil? Why are men awoken at all hours of the night to find it not yet light? Is it not a deliverance from Satan, to wake us in the hours of darkness and indulge in his sinful play, drawn in by fear of the unknown, as the eyes of men do not see in dark as they do in the light of day?

Speech to the Seattle Mariners and its Fans by Matt Bricker-Mounts

Mr. Owner: No one fan thinks more highly than I do of the devotion, as well as the sheer enjoyment, of the very people who support this Mariners organization. But some fans often see the same moves by you in a different light than I, and therefore, do believe that it will not be thought of as disrespectful to those fans, if, I hold as I do, opinions of our team are very different from theirs, I shall speak of my disgust freely and without reserve. The question before us is one of horrible moment for this team. For I feel it is no less than a question of losing the team from our very city. It is in only this way that we can think of arriving at the truth, and fulfill the great responsibility we hold to this team and its fans. Should I hold back my opinions at any time, I should be accused of treason to the fans, and disloyalty towards the team, which I revere above all teams.

Mr. Owner, it is natural for a fan to indulge in the illusions that the General Managers trades are good for the team. We generally shut our eyes to the moves, and listen to the words of the team, until it makes us into firm believers. Are we supposed to turn into those who having eyes, see not, and having ears, hear not, the idiocy of this General Manager? For my part, I am willing to know the whole truth; to know the worst of the deals, and to convince him otherwise.

I ask you sir, what purpose these trades have, if not to make our team a fourth place team? Can Bill Bavasi assign any other possible motives for it? Does Bavasi have any enemy, in the front office, to call out all this accumulation of bad trades? No, sir, he has none. They are meant to appease the fans for one season; they cannot be meant for the long run. And what have we to oppose him? Shall we try boycotting? Sir, no one will ever try that in a million years. Have we anything new to offer on the subject? Nothing. We have held up this thought in every way that it possible; but it has all been in vain. Shall we resort to only hope? What terms shall we find which have not already been exhausted. Let us not, Owner, deceive our selves any longer. Owner, us fans have tried everything that could be done, to avert the disaster that is now coming on. We have petitioned; we have hoped; we have booed fiercely; we have begged the front office, and have implored its position to fire the incompetent General Manager. Our petitions have been ignored; our boos have resulted in nothing; and we have been ignored, with contempt. In vain, after these things, may we indulge in the fond hope of a good, young team. There is no more room for hope. If we wish to have an excellent team-if we mean to repeat the magical 2001 season we have been so long trying to repeat- if we mean not to abandon the struggle in which we have been engaged for 4 long years, and which we have pledged never to abandon until we do repeat that season, we must fight! I repeat it, Owner, we must fight!

They tell us, sir, that this is just a time of rebuilding; that we are not done yet. But when will we be a playoff contender? Will it be next season, or in ten seasons? Will it be before all of our aged, overpriced players get injured and retire? Sir, we are not weak, if we make proper use of the city. Three and a half million fans, wanting to see a World Series ring, and in such a state as that we are in, we are invincible by any means the General Manager my entice us by. The fight, sir, is not to the loyal alone; it is to the casual fans, the active fans, the willing fans. Besides, sir, we have no choice in the General Manager. There is no retreat, but in a lifetime of losing, and injuries. Our loser attitude is being molded. We must have a chance to beat Boston in the American League Championship Series! The firing is inevitable- and let it be, for there is only one October! I repeat, let it be, for there is only one October!

It is in vain, sir, to extend his contract. Fans may cry for time, time- but there is no time. The impatience has already begun! Are team is almost on the field! Why do we stand here idle? What is it that these fans wish for? What do they want? Does the team have so much time as to be purchased at the price of another non-playoff year? Forbid it, everyone! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me a playoff team, or lose my loyalty!

Speech to the Superintendent

Mrs. Superintendent: There is none that holds education in higher esteem than I, though some men do differ in their particular sentiments. I am certain that it will not be thought disrespectful for me to voice my opinion upon matters pertaining to your dear school system. Indeed, were I to regulate the expression of my outlook towards present affairs, I should be dubbed a coward and traitor of the worst sort, betraying that higher power, the one known only as the God of School Levies.
Mrs. Superintendent, while you speak of “hope” and “the future,” you are apt to ignore the pain of the present. You distract yourself by listening to that clamor of an inner city elementary school steel drum ensemble, thinking, “Am I not spreading academic bounty to all ends of the city?” Do your eyes not see, your ears not hear, the chaos and pain of our current existence as students? I am willing to tell the truth, and I trust that you are just as willing to listen.
There is but one candybearingpedophile to guide me, and that is the candybearingpedophile of experience. I know the reality of public education, and I have seen its rancid underbelly. For the last ten years I have lived in its squalor. Certain individuals oppress us pupils, though they hide behind a trustworthy facade. Do not listen to these monsters. Ignore their words of “fairness,” “effort,” or “I’m just like you.” They seek to dominate us, to repress our kind. They burden our minds with the yoke of life-altering grades. Are referrals and failing marks the sign of kindness and respect? Are we students so stubborn that they cannot peacefully coexist with us? Let us see truth. These people seek war!
I speak of teachers. Their aggression towards students and neglection of their duties has persisted for far too long. Madame, I beg of you, help! We cannot continue. You have the power to right the wrongs of the past, to bring about fairness and equality in education. Discard the anachronism of grades, and institute a beautiful future of only standardized testing. Let us create a new system, a system where low marks do not cripple a child’s future, a system where students are evaluated independent of the whims of their instructors, a system where everyone is aided in discovering their very best future! They say that we are too weak to make a difference. But when shall we ever be stronger? A new day is dawning, but first you must show the will to help us lift the triumphant Sun over the horizon! Until the night is over, give me an A, or give me death!

Succession of Washington and Oregon by bellavita

Ms. and Mr. Governor of the proud States of Washington and Oregon: no woman thinks more highly of the patriotism than do I, as well as the abilities of the current administration of our beautiful Nation. It is only through truth and brutal honesty that we can hope to arrive at conclusions that are conducive to a budding nation which has real moral values, and not solely the interests of corporate giants in heart and mind. Under this impression, I shall speak free of hindrances which might cause you to lose sight of my point. In causes politically, environmental, socially, and geographically, our states are so far removed from the generals of the United States; it seems that, judging by past and current events and decisions of our national government, a harmonious nation in conjunction with the other states of this country is no longer plausible. It is natural for one to indulge in the illusion that hope and optimism can bring; it is unnatural to believe that they can be maintained in times of adversity as are these. One must not wish misfortune on himself or herself, as it will be if the obvious discrepancies between our states and the nation are ignored.

In matters of the environment, no state but California has done more than ours to protect the great, but slowly being destroyed, ecosystems we find ourselves in today. The Bush administration does not care about the environment; they have made this clear through the rejection of the Kyoto Protocol, and the support of numerous right-wing corporations that thoroughly declare: Global Warming is a hoax. They have failed to pass any resolutions, or make any decisions to improve the quality of our earth. Is global warming a hoax? We know it is not, for our states have supported some of the most progressive businesses and organizations in the country, all scientifically proving that global warming is indeed taking place. Do we not have the capabilities to slow global warming, if not stop it altogether? Would simple changes in our consumerist lifestyles not make drastic changes in the carbon emissions of our country as a whole? Let us not deceive ourselves; the nation as a whole knows that these are true in the back of their minds, but when forced to confront them, many shy away. Not our bold states; we stage demonstrations, hold rallies and protests against our own government, telling us the opposite of what we know to be true; our legislators promote new resolutions to help preserve our beautiful states, and our people wholly understand the concept of global warming.

In the last presidential election, our states voted overwhelmingly blue, showing the rest of the nation how disgruntled we were by Bush’s policies and his war of terror in the Middle East. Now, when other states are realizing what a horrible lack of judgment it was to elect him for a second term, they turn to us for advice: to see what the most progressive states in the country think; all this when only a few years ago, they discredited our preoccupations with Bush’s sugar-coated lies as silly and misinformed. Must we continue living in a nation that discards all of our ideals as too liberal and too harsh? If we do not act with great immediacy, this avalanche of lies and deceit will roar down the slopes of society, from the president himself to the homeless on the streets. The apple of freedom hangs ripe in the tree, prepared to be plucked by the institutors of justice! I know not what others choose for themselves, but as for me, give me a sovereign state governed by compassion, morality, and true justice for all!

A Declaration by the Scholars of Garfield High School, against the adverse effect of Homework. By JONATHAN ADUSAH

When, in the course of a students career, it becomes essential to boycott by not doing assignments that would seem tedious to any respected scholar, and to separate life from school, the chains that connect life and school work must be annihilated, these powerful chains that try to consume human leisure time must be rid of, some assignments that are meant to benefit and defend the betterment of academic success must be honored but the many counterproductive parasitic like assignments must be abolished at once.
We hold this underlying truth that: all tedious assignments are created evil, that they were sent upon us like a thief in night to raid our happiness and to overthrow the rich abundance of our young lives, that we should have the right to be completed with all homework assignments within one hour of our start, that we may once again have the opportunity to indulge in the joy of going outside after school.
He has constructed this mechanism to drill useless information in our heads, this mechanism has been nicely disguised with names such as “worksheet” and “mastery practice”, this information is used to punish our young feeble brains, the information that is engraved in our cerebral cortex will rarely be of any productive use in the future.
He has made us to stay up to the twilight hours, staring at the bright computer screen and furiously trying to finish an enormous essay, young teenagers now average less than five hours of sleep a day, some young teems are now unable to experience the delicious taste of breakfast, we now have fallen into the large abyss of sleeping during class and being repaid with negative effects.
He has successfully separated us from our friends that we love so dearly, by making interacting with our loved ones seem less important, we now have no time for family game night, movie night or even time to listen to mother or father tell the most cherished family allegories.
He has attempted to overtake devices such as Myspace, AIM and Playstation 3 in a coup d'état of mass proportions.
He has taking the idea of getting a job while in high school; so that we may be able to acquire money to purchase a car that we would show off to friends an anomaly.
This parasitic weapon called homework has been waging a silent war of détente properties to steal our joy and to transform us into faceless dull humans, it is our duty to say no at once and to reject this terrorizing weapon, we must act at once and work with its creator the teacher to develop a better teaching tool that would better serve us.
We therefore the scholars of Garfield High school assembled, do in the title, and by the permission of the good students reject and castigate all tedious homework assignments and pop quizzes, we declare never to lay an eye on any more future evil intent assignments, by doing this we shall increase our leisure time ten fold, and finally we do asseverate that students everywhere to be free of homework, that we may now have time to complete our wonderful breakfast meals, and have the opportunity to obtain the sleep we need to function at school.
And for the support of this declaration, we cooperatively swear to each other our mechanical pencils, our crisp white paper, and of course our expensive dignity.

Speech to the students who are whittling away their time by Eric Lykken

Students: No person values more highly than I do the caring, as well as the devotion, of the teachers and faculty who have been watching us over our high school careers. But different people have different values; and therefore, I hope that it will not be considered disrespectful to those faculty members, if my ideas differ slightly from theirs, if not are the complete opposite, but feelings aside I am to speak truthfully and without reserve. This is no time for being stiff, dry people with no life aside from school. The question before the members of our school is one of great importance. For me it is a question of our future, of getting into college. While we need to be devout students, committing ourselves to schoolwork, community service and sports teams, it is just as important to have free time. It is only in this way that we can hope to arrive at a balance; to be productive and to enjoy ourselves. Should I withhold my opinions at such a time, through fear of giving offense, I should consider myself as guilty of hypocrisy, and of an act disloyalty toward the majesty of life and freedom, which I revere above all earthly principals.
My fellow students, it is natural to man to indulge in the illusions of hope. We are apt to close our eyes against a hard truth, we tell ourselves “this weekend I shan’t have ANY homework,” and to listen to the song of that siren, till she changes us into beasts. Is the part of clever students, engaged in a great and difficult struggle for balance? Are we disposed to be of the number of those who, having vision, see not, and having hearing, hear not, the things that they hold dearly? Are we inclined to protest out loud and yet do nothing? For my part, whatever anguish of spirit it may cost, I am willing to speak my thoughts, and challenge all of our teachers for the load of homework and challenge our counselors who tell us to commit ourselves to community service, and even the coaches who tell us to run, row or try harder, all the while we have no time to sleep, eat or play video games.

Speech regarding Garfield's attendance policy by Sargon Bet-Shlimon

Note: I do not mean any disrespect to Mr. Howard or any of the Garfield Administrators; this is all just a joke, and I intend it to be taken lightly.

Students: No man thinks more highly than I do of the concern for education, as well as the administrative abilities, of the very worthy Mr. Howard. But different students often see the same subject in different lights, and therefore, I hope it will not be disrespectful to him and the Garfield Administrators, if, entertaining as I do, opinions of students very different to his, I shall speak forth my concerns for his attendance policy freely and without reserve. The question before us is one of great importance to the student body. For my own part I consider it as nothing less than a question of freedom or Saturday school; and in proportion to the importance of these policies ought to be the freedom of complaint against them. Only in this way will be able to arrive at justice, and fulfill the great responsibility which we hold to ourselves, and our school. If I were to hold back these opinions at this time, I should consider myself guilty of treason toward my school, and of an act of disloyalty toward the Seattle Public Schools Superintendent, who I revere above all school staff.
Students, it is natural for us to indulge in the illusions of perfect attendance. We find it difficult to accept the painful truth that we may not always be on time, and listen to the sound of Mr. Howard’s megaphone, until it turns us into paranoid machines. Must we turn into those who, having eyes, see not, and having ears, hear not, the injustices of this corrupt system? For my part, however it may be difficult to accept, I am willing to know the whole truth; to know the worst of these policies and to try to fix it.
I ask, sir, what means this system, if its purpose be not to force us all into lunchtime detention. Can anyone assign any other possible motives for it? Has Mr. Howard any enemy, in this school, to call for this accumulation of hall sweeps? No, sir, he has none. These sweeps are meant for us, the students; they can be meant for no others. They are sent to bind and rivet upon us those chains which the Garfield Administrators have been forging. And what have we to oppose to them? Shall we try complaining? Arguing that this is unfair? We have been trying that for the last three years that we have attended this school. Have we anything new to offer on the subject? Nothing. We have held this policy up in every light of which it is capable, but it has been all useless toward our cause. We have petitioned, spoken to teachers, and argued with counselors, attempting to arrest the tyrannical hands of the Administrators. Our petitions have been ignored, our arguments have only produced additional absences and truancy, and we have been rejected from the foot of the principal. If we wish to be tardy—if we mean to preserve these privileges for which we have been so long asking for—if we mean to be able to be ten seconds late to class and not receive Saturday school, we must fight! I repeat it, students, we must fight!
They tell us that their policies are to make sure we all attend class. But when shall we show up? Will it be in two minutes, or two hours? Will it be when the policy for being a minute late to class will guarantee our imprisonment, while skipping class has no effect on us? Two thousands of students, armed in the cause of tardiness, are invincible to any hall sweeps which the Administrators can send against us. There is no retreat, but in lunch detention and Saturday school! Our chains are forged! Their clanking may be heard in the hallways of Garfield! The war is inevitable—and let it come! I repeat it, let it come!
It is in vain to make light of the matter. Some students may cry peace, peace—but there is no peace. The war is actually begun! Our classmates are already in the field, skipping class! Why sit we here idle, in class? Is an education so dear, as to be purchased at the price of slavery and detention? I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me tardiness, or give me expulsion!

Speech to the Familial Unit by Anna Ludwig

Mr. Henry: No man thinks more highly than I do of the familial allegiance, as well as parental abilities, of the very worthy gentleman who is my father. But different men often see the same subject in different lights; and, therefore, I hope that it will not be thought disrespectful to you, if, entertaining as I do, opinions of a character very opposite to yours, I shall speak forth my sentiments freely and without reserve. This is no time for ceremony. The question before the father figure is one of awful moment to this family. For my own part I consider it as nothing less than a question of freedom or slavery; late curfew or early; and in proportion to the magnitude of the subject ought to be the freedom of the debate. It is only in this way that we can hope to arrive at truth, and fulfill the great responsibility which we hold to God and our parents. Should I keep back my opinions at such a time, through fear of giving offense, I should consider myself as guilty of treason toward my family, and of an act of disloyalty toward the majesty of my father, who I revere above all earthly kings.
Father, it is natural to man to indulge in the illusions of hope. We are apt to shut our eyes against a painful truth, and listen to the song of that siren, till she transforms us into beasts. Is this the part of wise men, engaged in a great and arduous struggle for liberty? Are we disposed to be of the number of those who, having eyes see not, and having ears, hear not, the things which so nearly concern their temporal salvation? For my part, whatever anguish of my spirit it may cost, I am willing to know the whole truth, to know the worst and fight for my curfew.
I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided; and that is the lamp of experience. I know of no way of judging of the future but by the past. And judging by the past, I wish to know what there has been in the conduct of myself for the last ten years, to justify a curfew at such an early time. Are fleets and armies necessary to a work of love and reconciliation?
I ask father, sir, what means this martial array, if its purpose be not to force me to submission? Can Mr. Henry assign any other possible motives for it? Have I any enemy, in this quarter of the world, to call for all this accumulation of navies and armies to enforce such an early curfew? No, sir, I have none. This early curfew is meant for me; it can be meant for no other. Father, I have done everything that could be done, to avert the storm which is now coming on. I have petitioned; I have remonstrated; I have supplicated; I have prostrated myself before you, and have implored your interposition to arrest the tyrannical hands of an early curfew. In vain, after these things, may I indulge the fond hope of peace and reconciliation. There is no longer any room for hope. If I wish to be free, I must fight!
You tell me, sir, that I am weak; unable to cope with so formidable an adversary. But when shall I be stronger? Will it be the next week, or the next year? Will it be when I am totally disarmed? The battle, father, is not to the strong alone; it is to every child who is tormented by the necessity to be home before darkness falls, it is to the vigilant, the active, the brave. There is no retreat, but in submission and slavery! Our chains are forged! Their clanking may be heard on the plains of Boston! This battle in inevitable—and let it come! I repeat it, father, let it come!
It is in vain, sir, to extenuate the matter. Other children may cry peace, peace—but there is no peace. The war is actually begun! The next gale that sweeps from this household will bring to our ears the clash of resounding arms! Other families are already in the field! Why stand we here idle? What is it that you wish, father? What would you have? Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of my chains, and the slavery of my early curfew? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty, or give me death!