Declaration of Independance in All Matters Related to Kayaking

When, in the course of outdoor events, it becomes necessary for a staff to disobey the wishes of the kayak coordinator and assume that the powers of the earth and sea are far greater than their own powers, to which God has entitled them, a decent respect to the angry wrath of Poseidon requires that they should summarize the water conditions which impel them to disobedience.
We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all staff are created equal, that they are endowed by Post with certain inalienable rights; that among these are outdoor trips, warmth and large tubs of Jelly Beans™; that to secure these rights, Executive Committee positions are instituted among staff, deriving their power based on seniority and savagery; that whenever any EC member becomes destructive to these ends, it us the right of the staff to refuse to obey their wishes and act in a manner to secure their own warmth. Prudence will dictate that such rebellions mush not be for causes trivial in nature, but the history of the present kayak coordinator is one of unremitting acts of tyranny, oppression and behavior showing open callousness towards hypothermia. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world:

He has required us to perform impossible acts of physical strength and dexterity while suspended upside down underwater.
He has forced us into watery bodies as unseasonable times of the year without the least concern for our well-being.
He has opposed with manly firmness the use of wetsuits and other devices essential to preventing hypothermia.
He has erected a multitude of new requirements to staff kayak and has harassed us continually regarding this matter.
He has refused to take action necessary to ensure the rights of the staff to have hot cocoa after being in cold water, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
He has called together kayak trainings at places unusual, uncomfortable and distant from the homes of staff for the sole purpose of denying them hot showers.
For canceling night kayaks, for taking out provisions, for making us sleep outside, for taking away our dry clothes and altering fundamentally the forms of our trips.
In every stage of these oppressions we have whined, objected, protested, picketed and appealed, in the most humble terms; our repeated whining has been answered only by incoherent mumblings.
An EC member whose character is thus marker by every act which may define someone who does not believe in the 3rd stage of hypothermia is unfit to lead kayak trips for a staff who mean to survive the weekend.
We therefore, the staff of Garfield High School Outdoor Education Post on Lopez Island assembled do, in the name of all Post members, declare that we shall no longer obey the wishes of Ben Miller and that we will no longer recognize him as kayak coordinator. We declare ourselves free and independent kayakers, and, as such, we have the power to put on our own spray skirts, set courses, go for night kayaks and do all other acts which free and independent kayakers may, of right, do.
And for the support of this declaration, we mutually pledge to each other our positions of staff, our lives, and our rights to change the music on the kitchen speakers.