Declaration of the Rights of Women by Heidi Rodenhizer

When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary to briefly inhabit the washrooms, as God intended, we are faced with an insufferable inequality: the resources found in the ladies washrooms are lacking greatly.
The inalienable rights of men (and women) proclaim that we all have a right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of comfort. It is the right of those of us who have long been held in the sway of men to secure these rights, as has not been custom. Our inalienable rights are not recognized. The long train of abuses and usurpations of architects have long held the patient sufferers hostage.
When waiting with far more patience than the situation deserves, for an opening in the washroom, our inalienable rights are neglected. How terrible is our plight, that the gentle citizens of the world cannot exercise their inherent rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of comfort while patiently waiting for the end of these most terrible violations of her inalienable rights!
The atrocities revealed here, which were brought about by merciless architects and plumbers, is the destruction of all sexes. The horrors that await women in the washroom may seem unfit for your most esteemed attention, good Sir, but while your lady is taken captive by the cruelty of architects and plumbers you, who has never offended the aforementioned torturers, will be left robbed of your own time and rights, as you wait for intolerable hours for the return of your sweet lady.
An architect, whose character is thus marked by a lack of compassion for the world’s dearest ladies, is unfit for the halls of men. Join in, and lay bare the assemblage of horrors carrying us into slavery to the washrooms, which has so devastated a people fostered and fixed in the principles of freedom.