Red Flag by Ian Collicott

We hold these jock straps to be self-evident: that all face-masks are created equal; that they are crafted by their creator with football prestige and knowledgeable rights; that among these are first downs, false starts, and the pursuit of Super bowl; that to secure these rights, referees are instituted among athletes, deriving their black and white stripes from the consent of the National Football League; that whenever any referee becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the fans to protest and abolish it, and to elect a new official, laying its foundation on astro-turf, and organizing its penalties in such form, as to the players shall most likely effect their game day and eventual postseason.
He has refused fourth down after such dissolutions whereby linesmen, incapable of blocking have returned to the fans with consistent dispraise, the state remaining third quarter, exposed to all the hazards of blitz, rush, and headstrong defense.
He has combined with his fellow officials to subject us with a challenge, a red flag has been tossed giving pretended legislation of passenger interference unacknowledged by the receivers hands the referee reviews the play, the proceeding call explodes into abundance of roar from the people.
We therefore the representatives of the National Football League in General Congress assembled do in the name, and by the authority of every good fan of Seattle reject the verdict of Super bowl XL’s conclusion, we utterly dissolve all connection which may have subsequently resulted in anger after the prior match, and finally we do assert and declare that thirty percent of our workforce is indeed blind.