Speech regarding Garfield's attendance policy by Sargon Bet-Shlimon

Note: I do not mean any disrespect to Mr. Howard or any of the Garfield Administrators; this is all just a joke, and I intend it to be taken lightly.

Students: No man thinks more highly than I do of the concern for education, as well as the administrative abilities, of the very worthy Mr. Howard. But different students often see the same subject in different lights, and therefore, I hope it will not be disrespectful to him and the Garfield Administrators, if, entertaining as I do, opinions of students very different to his, I shall speak forth my concerns for his attendance policy freely and without reserve. The question before us is one of great importance to the student body. For my own part I consider it as nothing less than a question of freedom or Saturday school; and in proportion to the importance of these policies ought to be the freedom of complaint against them. Only in this way will be able to arrive at justice, and fulfill the great responsibility which we hold to ourselves, and our school. If I were to hold back these opinions at this time, I should consider myself guilty of treason toward my school, and of an act of disloyalty toward the Seattle Public Schools Superintendent, who I revere above all school staff.
Students, it is natural for us to indulge in the illusions of perfect attendance. We find it difficult to accept the painful truth that we may not always be on time, and listen to the sound of Mr. Howard’s megaphone, until it turns us into paranoid machines. Must we turn into those who, having eyes, see not, and having ears, hear not, the injustices of this corrupt system? For my part, however it may be difficult to accept, I am willing to know the whole truth; to know the worst of these policies and to try to fix it.
I ask, sir, what means this system, if its purpose be not to force us all into lunchtime detention. Can anyone assign any other possible motives for it? Has Mr. Howard any enemy, in this school, to call for this accumulation of hall sweeps? No, sir, he has none. These sweeps are meant for us, the students; they can be meant for no others. They are sent to bind and rivet upon us those chains which the Garfield Administrators have been forging. And what have we to oppose to them? Shall we try complaining? Arguing that this is unfair? We have been trying that for the last three years that we have attended this school. Have we anything new to offer on the subject? Nothing. We have held this policy up in every light of which it is capable, but it has been all useless toward our cause. We have petitioned, spoken to teachers, and argued with counselors, attempting to arrest the tyrannical hands of the Administrators. Our petitions have been ignored, our arguments have only produced additional absences and truancy, and we have been rejected from the foot of the principal. If we wish to be tardy—if we mean to preserve these privileges for which we have been so long asking for—if we mean to be able to be ten seconds late to class and not receive Saturday school, we must fight! I repeat it, students, we must fight!
They tell us that their policies are to make sure we all attend class. But when shall we show up? Will it be in two minutes, or two hours? Will it be when the policy for being a minute late to class will guarantee our imprisonment, while skipping class has no effect on us? Two thousands of students, armed in the cause of tardiness, are invincible to any hall sweeps which the Administrators can send against us. There is no retreat, but in lunch detention and Saturday school! Our chains are forged! Their clanking may be heard in the hallways of Garfield! The war is inevitable—and let it come! I repeat it, let it come!
It is in vain to make light of the matter. Some students may cry peace, peace—but there is no peace. The war is actually begun! Our classmates are already in the field, skipping class! Why sit we here idle, in class? Is an education so dear, as to be purchased at the price of slavery and detention? I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me tardiness, or give me expulsion!